From a young age, I always knew I was different from my family. I figured something was odd about me when one night at age 7, I woke my mother up in the middle of the night. I was in tears and asked the question, "what is the meaning of life if we all just die in the end?" Most children don't engage with philosophical questions that keep them up at night.
I grew up dancing instead of playing sports like my parents and siblings; I was connected to the artistic expression of story telling. I felt emotions more strongly than most. I always wanted to talk about my feelings when most people ignored them. To me, there was something special about building relationships and connections with people. I got off on knowing that I touched someone's life positively in a way that would remain impactful for as long as they live. I couldn't quite put my finger on the profession that would put me in the position of best helping people get through daily life. I pondered the thought of teaching, maybe even being an administrator or principal. But, there was something about that 1 on 1 connection that felt missing from the field of education. How do I touch the people who need help the most? As a junior in high school, I took AP Psychology and my question was answered (or so I thought).
I began my undergraduate career at a community college. I took every psychology class they offered. The course material was so fascinating. I couldn't believe that I found a profession where I could talk about feelings all day and get into a person's psyche, why people do the things they do. But I knew that I needed a PhD in order to be successful in the field of psychology. I worked hard to transfer to a prestigious 4-year university that would give me the best chance of getting into a Clinical Psychology PhD program through access to amazing professors, clinical experience, and research opportunities. Little did I know that my path would change once I got there.
Within the first month of being at my university, I began helping out with research. To my dismay, I found it to be unfulfilling. I was transcribing interviews with mothers in need of postpartum mental health care and other services for their children. As I was writing down their words, I found myself wanting to be in the room with them. I felt disconnected with the people we were trying to serve. I grew great respect for research and the good that can come out of it. However, I wanted to do more. My professors noticed this drive in me too. I learned through the research that not all moms with postpartum depression will respond in the same way to identical treatment. What is their background? How does their race, class, adverse childhood experiences, location, family structure, etc. contribute to the expression of their mental state? How does diagnosis solve any of their underlying problems? My professors noticed that I was grappling with these questions and pushed me toward the field of social work.
At first, I was offended that they kept bringing up the MSW. Did they think less of me because I wanted to go into direct practice and therefore viewed my values as farther down the totem pole? I thought their recommendations of social work programs came from a place of paternalism. I imagined them saying, "All you really need for private practice is an MSW, so you're better off getting that degree instead of a PhD." However, they noticed the underlying questions I had and found that I would best be able to help my future clients with the training that social work programs offer. To be fair, I never gave the field of social work a fair shot. After I researched the field, I found that they were right and this was the career I was looking for all along. Even though I knew I wanted to do therapy, I needed the right program with the right training that made the most sense for me.
At the end of the day, I want my clients to know not only their diagnosis, but WHY their diagnosis has come about. Not all people with anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses can be treated the same. Making symptoms go away doesn't solve the problem that many people face. I want to do more for my clients than just offer them therapy to reduce their symptoms. I want them to leave my office feeling supported until they come back in for the next session. Once they leave my door, the community, organizations, family, and societal structures need to have their back in order for them to thrive. The intersections of people's identities in society is the reason why social work training is so important. I want to show my clients that they are more than their diagnosis.
I didn't choose social work over clinical psychology because it was easier. I chose social work because every part that makes up a person matters and should be included in the consideration of the therapeutic work that I carry out.
"Cura personalis" is a Latin phrase that means "care for the whole person." My undergraduate institution taught me the importance of this phrase and it has left a lasting impression on me. I have learned to value and care for the whole person; in order to do that in my professional career, it is necessary for me to pursue social work.
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